My brother of Uncanny X-Men #275 told me to research and practice mindfulness.
Three weeks ago…
I’m on the couch listening to Super Beaver’s 27. The chord progression is doing something to me internally. I feel hopeful and melancholy. Somehow, tho I don’t understand the lyrics, I know what’s being said. The ups and downs of love and life. So says my heart. So says the background vocals.
My eyes avert my attention. My oldest daughter is putting together a puzzle map of the US on the floor. It has all the States and Capitals. I’m reminded how I memorized all of them by the time I was seven.
If I’m honest, I feel like I’ve underachieved. I’ve never like to quit. Even when I should have. That’s probably harmed me even more than I would like to admit.
Also, it just hit me. It’s very easy for me to check on others and lose contact with my feelings and breath.
Youngest daughter is reading Pete the Cat while my wife is braiding her hair. My oldest looks at me blankly. She’s so tired. Her last day of summer camp. And even tho she’s tanned, clearly fried, and has already had two meltdowns, she doesn’t want to go to sleep. She doesn’t want to quit. She’s gonna finish that puzzle.
A chip off the old block.
Should I tell her to wait until morning? That there’s another time to fight. And sometimes the battle is easier and much less cumbersome when you have fresh eyes. Or should I encourage her to finish what she’s started…
There ain’t no manual.
I feel like…. I feel like I don’t want to type anymore. I just wanna… I don’t know… but I don’t wanna type no more.
A few days later…
I moved away from my own feelings too fast. That’s my habit. I’m disconnected from myself.
I’m listening to my breath and the sound my thumb makes by tapping on this phone.
I’m breathing through my nose. My left nostril is blocked. My breathing is slowing. Is it because I’m now aware of my breath?
My stomach rumbles.
Tap. Breath. Clogged nostril. Hunger.
I wasn’t in a comfortable position. Just moved.
I’m putting the phone down.
My daughter has 45 of the 50 states memorized. The small Northeastern states are giving her problems.
There’s my breath.
©️2019 MJ Sales