But when I grew up, I put my childish ways behind me–except… don’t take my favorite stories away… I love them–way more than I love love.

The following are brief observations where Temple of Doom and Trumpism overlap. While I am not suggesting a movie has the “pull” of a president, nor am I saying by a longshot that the Temple of Doom fully explains and/or caused Trump’s election—I do believe it is dangerous to not recognize how movies and people and stories symbolize, edify, and maintain spiritual, interpersonal, and social relationships.

Let’s. Get. It. Started. I’m about to get stupid crazy.

How stupid?

THIS stoopid…

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If you wouldn’t participate in a Soul Train line that hard, don’t read this.

Buddy buddy, if Dr. Strangelove satire is too much for you–DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. And if you happen to be a white male who cannot laugh at himself, please don’t read this!!!

That’s my only warning, brothers and sisters.

White Savior….

(Yeah, one of my family members just told me that this was one of her favorite movies growing up… then I told her about the Willie-lasso scene… yeah… her face…)

Stories and myths in particular are not simply about entertainment. They tell us much more. They tell us what is valuble and meaningful. And movies are myth for contemporary times. And there is nothing more valuable in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom than being a white male.

You’re still reading this blog? You’re braver than I thought.

You’re still reading this satire? Your attention span is longer than I thought!

You’re still reading? You’re weirder than I thought…

I know. I know. Different series, different female lead.

Same Indiana Han Solo Jones.

Ooooooookaaaaaaaay….

Peep this. Other than very brief cameos (and one includes Dan Akroyd), Indiana Jones is the only “white male” in the movie. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn’t win this movie any diversity awards. In fact, this movie is so ridiculously colonial that it almost makes the racist aspects seem pedestrian.

Almost.

Indy begins his journey in China where an American big budget dance number wows the crowd because even in pre-WWII China, ‘murica is the business. Some evil Chinese cats poison Indy which leads to the death of this Chinese sidekick–not Short Round–whose only role is to die and affirm that he and Indy have been on adventures together–adventures that we’ve never seen… who wrote that scene?

Ugh.

After raft-gate, the river of history leads our hero to a village and the locals need his help to free their children from the evil clutches of their own corrupt government and religion. Yes, slavery and hunger are the result of internal strife, not colonial domination. You see, even though a young Zalim Singh can be a prince (sorry, Willie, you ain’t that kinda cougar), he can still be indoctrinated and possessed by the evil occult of the other. And the Others are his own people, not the British.

That’s why Short Round–previously liberated by Dr. Jones–had to open a can of whoop @$$ on Voodoo Prince of Bel Air with John Williams’ Indy theme letting you know what time it is…

Digression: Yooooooo… what if Zalim was Khan’s grandfather? Is that a connection from Indiana Jones and Star Trek? Nerd thought. 

After Short Round frees Indy from the clutches of Kali’s Pimp Juice, Indiana went all ersatz John Brown/Emancipation Proclamation on these folk…

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Indy knocked dude back like…

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T…. K…. O….

Wait, reverse that. Mac shoulda done that to Tyson. This cat, Indiana Jones, literally releases all those children singlehandedly! But maaaaaaan, that close up and Harrison Ford’s face tho!!!! He came correct! Bruuuuuh!!! His face tho!!! Buddy was bad, y’all! Daaaaaang!!!

Look! Look!

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Did I mention I loved this movie as a kid?

After Indy chops the bridge… Bad people shoot at him with arrows (Indians) while The colonial British Army (cowboys) saves the day with guns… After Shorty dropped some (Yoga) Flame on his adolescent body, Kalim came to his senses and asked the Brits for help you see.

At every turn, our hero dispatches the agents of evil, Chinese and Indian. Our hero is made to suffer at the hands of a non-Christian (white) religion–though he overcomes the temptation, by way of his sidekick. Then he liberates the innocent brown children and is assisted by the British. At every turn, white male power is highlighted. This in and of itself is not necessarily bad–I want to be clear here… the empowerment of any person, generically speaking, is not necessarily a bad thing. So the portrayal of a white male protagonist is not necessarily a bad thing, until we realize that Indy is constantly empowered and canonized by way of the non-European other-evil. Therefore, white male power is no longer highlighted, it is celebrated and championed at the expense and because of the Non-European…

In this universe, in order to be empowered, someone has got to take an L. Eff collaboration. Enemies collaborate with the mouths and stomachs of crocodiles.

Well, speaking of the non-European…

© 2017 M. J. Sales

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