But when I grew up, I put my childish ways behind me–except… don’t take my favorite stories away… I love them–way more than I love love.

The following are brief observations where Temple of Doom and Trumpism overlap. While I am not suggesting a movie has the “pull” of a president, nor am I saying by a longshot that the Temple of Doom fully explains and/or caused Trump’s election—I do believe it is dangerous to not recognize how movies and people and stories symbolize, edify, and maintain spiritual, interpersonal, and social relationships.

Let’s. Get. It. Started. I’m about to get stupid crazy.

How stupid?

THIS stoopid…

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If you wouldn’t participate in a Soul Train line that hard, don’t read this.

Buddy buddy, if Dr. Strangelove satire is too much for you–DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

That’s my only warning, brothers and sisters.

Raft Scene

Bruh.

Sis.

Chiiiiiiild…

Naw. Noooooooo.

Naw, cuz. Even as a kid, I remember seeing this and was like… wait, what? This is frakkin’ absurd. How can I save myself and everyone…? I’ll take a raft and inflate it; we will subvert gravity and all physical laws (i.e. “Facts”) of the universe and we will bounce off the surface of the Himalayas…

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Sorry, Jerome. Indy’s the original playa…

Then Playa Indy navigates and slolams through trees with a raft–and falls off the side of a mountain and into a river…. and err’body lives….

Absurd.

No. Don’t tell me it’s just a movie. There is nothing comparable to that in the Indiana Jones universe until the atomic bomb-fridge incident–which shall not be uttered or described here because Crystal Skull does not exist in my world. Nope. No, it doesn’t. Nope. If it’s not valuable to me or meaningful to me, it doesn’t exist… Nope.

Sigh.

Don’t tell me to suspend belief. That scene is nonsensical. Watch it again. And again. This cat Indy can defy the laws of gravity. Though his PhD is in archaeology, apparently this cat won a Gold Medal in the ’30 Winter Olympics in the Slolam because he translated that ability from skis to a raft.

A perilous situation? This scene represents that a hero can circumvent the forces of nature and reality and bend and break the rules of his swashbuckling universe–without an appeal to a supernatural artifact. I mean, this is like when Richard Pryor plummeted then skied down the side of a skyscraper in Superman III. This scene jumped the shark.

But it’s funny and entertaining! And it’s just a movie!!!

Y’all doth protest too much. This is satire.

(Let me pull out my nerd hat. Indiana Jones movies take license with the fantastic but normally do so with mystical objects. Even when Indy and Colonel Vogel clashed on the tank in Last Crusade–you saw Indy try to escape before the tank went over the cliff. That’s why raft-gate and fridge-gate stand out so much. It’s why heart-gate–which we shall soon discuss–gets a pass in the area of thematic consistency. But it damn sho ain’t getting a pass in terms of its presentation of “the other.” Thematic consistency: when this concept is broken, sharks are jumped.)

Soooooooo… this country is falling apart. We don’t win anymore. China trying to do us like them pilots did Indy ‘nem. We’re about to crash into the side of a mountain. Things are really really stupidly ridiculously ludicrously stupendously unnervingly unreservedly preposterously absurdly bad. And there is no hope.

That’s the narrative.

There is no hope…. unless….

I The only way to turn this around is to trump absurdity with greater absurdity! Let us elect someone who will lead the most powerful nation in the world who has no public service record, has repeatedly shown he has no attention span, governs by tweeting, cannot stop lying, doesn’t seem to understand how government–even at the level of separation of powers–is supposed to work, and his most consistent attribute is playing the dozens, which, I must confess, he does with great precision and pettiness. But he can and will save us because he has a life raft called a “gut feeling,” and a wall, and money, and ish like that…. oh, and he lassoes p**** from unsuspecting but always willing women. He will deride Franken but support Moore. He has produced nothing in the world of geopolitics to show that he is capable of governing or that he has a grasp on geopolitical realities… These are not knocks. By now, whether folk love, tolerate, or can’t stand the administration, these observations appear to be simply a statement of fact–as useless as those are. He’s an academic without a classroom and he can cheat the laws of the universe, because he is Don–I mean, Indiana “I’ll leave Marion to die–I don’t love these ho’s” Jones. Trump can ignore climate change the way Indy ignored gravity and the other consitutive properties of the universe.

Because Indy’s got a raft. Like Janie had a gun… And Trump has a masterful grasp of the ineptitude of the media…

Again. This ain’t about a man. It’s about how culturally and socially comfortable we are with this kind of character. He’s very familiar.

Plus, it’s not enough room in this raft/country for everybody, especially if you don’t identify with Indy… soooooooo… the only other folks invited on this slolam are those who can submissively scream like a disempowered woman or become submissively childlike—then you can ride with ya boy and we’ll hand the Chinese and the laws of the universe an “L.” That’s how I roll…

Make the Temple of Doom Great Again.

Lawd.

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©2017 M. J. Sales

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